Read some of the funniest reader-submitted workout stories that we've received!
Name: Karen Barker
From: West Valley City, Utah
My office has a workout room that is most often frequented by the guys in the office. Most of the women don't spend much time there because we don't like the posing, screaming 'one more, one more...' or strutting that some of the tough guys like to do when we ladies are there. One of the tough guys is Mike. Mike is about 6'3' and probably about 250 pounds.
He does everything at 100 miles per hour. If he is lifting weights, he has to lift all the weight in the room at the same time, yelling, and dropping weights. He looks at himself in the mirror all the time. He flexes and puffs up at every opportunity. And he laughs at some of the other guys with their 'wimpy' workouts, or the women when we try to do aerobics or Tae Bo. He is oblivious of anyone else in the gym. He often gets on the treadmill and runs like crazy, slinging sweat in every direction and even sometimes blowing his nose into the air. It is disgusting.
One day I was in the gym with another of the women in the office doing aerobics on the mats. In came Mike already wearing his shorts and a bright red sweat shirt, carrying a boom box. He looked at us and laughed. Then he turned on the boom box to some of his headbanger music that played so loudly that it was almost impossible to hear our aerobics DVD. We asked him to turn down the music and he just laughed and sped up. We decided to just pack up and leave the gym, as we were close to being done anyway.
As we gathered up our things, Mike got on the treadmill and cranked it up to top speed, and at a good incline. He started thundering away on the treadmill. He had only been on it for a minute or two, and Mike decided that the sweatshirt was too much.
He wanted to take it off, but, in typical Mike fashion, he wasn't about to get off of the treadmill just to take off some clothes. So he tried pulling the sweatshirt off over his head while running flat out.
When he had his eyes completely covered by the sweatshirt, he became disoriented, stumbled, and lost his balance. He abruptly stopped running but the treadmill didn't stop! He couldn't pull his arms back down to grab hold on the treadmill.
Mike shot off the back of the treadmill at the speed of light. The back of the treadmill was just a couple of feet from the wall, and Mike made a direct hit on the wallboard. He was going so fast, and was so big that he crashed nearly all the way through the wall, and let out a thunderous 'UUUggggghhhhhhh!' Then he fell to the floor with his arms straight up in the air and his head tangled in the red sweatshirt, landing directly on top of his boom box, smashing it flat.
For the longest moment, Mike lay there motionless. The only noise in the gym was the whirring of the speeding treadmill.
Luckily, Mike lived through the episode. The only things that were hurt were the wall, the boom box, and Mike's overinflated ego.
As soon as we realized that there was no blood or protruding bones, and we knew Mike would live, we died laughing. Mike lay there for a moment longer, unable to see because of the sweatshirt that covered his eyes. He slowly, unsteadily, got up and took off the sweatshirt, his hair standing straight up, his face bright red, and his breath coming in gasps. He looked sheepishly around the room at the few of us who were there laughing, picked up the remains of his pulverized boom box, and quietly left the gym.
The wall had a hole in it that reminded me of the times that Wiley Coyote crashes through a wall chasing the Roadrunner, and leaves his form clearly visible in the wall. Word quickly spread in the office, and soon there were whole groups of people coming to the gym to see the damage and to laugh.
Some of the guys started calling the gym, 'The Hole in the Wall' or 'The Hole that Mike Built.' It took maintenance several weeks to repair the damage to the wall. That entire time people had fun reliving the event of Mike being launched through the wall.
The legend grew and grew until the story was that Mike had gone completely through the wall, and nearly killed a group of people in the hallway. Mike never came back into the gym until long after the crater was repaired. When he finally did come in to use the treadmill, he got undressed before he got on it! He didn't bring in a boom box again, but started wearing earphones. Harder to smash, I guess.
About 18 months a go, a mate and I decided to have a 'squat off' or competition to see who could do the most full squats before getting the wobbly legs on and falling over. Originally, we were going to squat individually and count the reps to see who had the highest number. We changed our minds and, since there were 2 racks, decided to squat at the same time to see who could last the longest. We racked up 80kgs each (about 175 pounds) and began our contest.
Everything went smoothly at first with plenty of heckling and bravado. As everyone probably knows, the first reps are usually with perfect form and you feel like you can go forever. We made the most of this and showed off our prowess to try and outwit the other one. As everyone also knows, it begins to get harder after a short while. The legs begin to burn and we start to huff n puff.
Usually we force out a couple more shaky squats before racking the bar and congratulating ourselves on a job well done. Today of course we kept going because there was no way either of us wanted to lose.
And then it happened.
Deep into a squat I felt that horrible feeling that a squat sometimes pushes out of you. A big, loud fart.
Right at the bottom of the movement my bottom moves a ton of wind in a couple of seconds. At first I'm embarrassed 'cause everyone is suddenly looking my way. My face turns even redder and the smell begins to waft over the area. Then, my competition partner begins to complain about the stink and I realize that this just may be the competitive edge I need to win this bloody thing.
He's squatting, huffing, complaining and grunting all at the same time. I sense victory and begin to power through a few more increasingly burny squats. Karma is a bitch isnt it?
I'll never be sure if it was coincidence or planned but as soon as my wind drifted away my friend let tear with an almighty ripper that should have bought tears to his eyes. It didn't worry me at first. I just thought he was trying to pay me back and I would lift through it. Then the smell hit me.
A pungent, fruity odor left over from a thousand lamb vindaloos. I know everyone has smelled a rank fart. That is not the issue. How many have tasted one? Usually, when someone 'cuts the cheese' you either run away, clamp your nose or attempt to cover the smell with something else.
Imagine being 'stuck' in a squatting competition! I had nowhere to run.
The worst part of course was that I was in full squat mode and trying to pull oxygen into my lungs as quickly as possible. I had no choice but to 'taste' this god awful stench. That was it. After getting a nose and mouthful of stink I racked the bar and collapsed in a fit of coughing and laughter. I was beaten at my own game.
I have a plan though. A rematch, complete with a pre contest meal of beer, curry, baked beans and cabbage. I will be victorious!
From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
I was wearing this cute new exercise outfit for the first time at the gym. The outfit was a two piece: the top had one strap around the neck which hooked in front along with the front closure - it was a weird 'system' but cute nevertheless. I wanted to make an impression with a guy I had noticed there a few times. Well, as it turned out, I certainly made my impression!
I started my usual routine and as I went from machine to machine I noticed that my top was riding up a bit so I kept adjusting it. I think I pulled it down one too many times because all of a sudden the front closure came apart. In my hurry to grab the two pieces and hold them together, all the while looking at my 'heart throb' guy, I tripped over the footing of a weight bench. I went flying one way and my top went flying another way. A flurry of people came over to help (but not the heart throb, however) and I struggled back into my top. One of the girls offered me a huge safety pin to get me through the rest of my workout but I had brought a little T-shirt.
I finished my workout and all through it the guy I was interested in kept looking at me. I was sure he was going to come over and introduce himself.
Disappointingly he didn't and I went to the dressing room to put on my street clothes over my exercise outfit. I went home and took off my clothes so that I could repair my new top and try to secure it a little better.
That's when I noticed the bottom had this huge opening in the butt region - the back seam must have come apart when I fell and I hadn't worn any panties. No wonder Mr. Heart-Throb had his eyes on me and I'm sure a whole (excuse the pun) lot of other people did too. Didn't go back to THAT gym again!
From: Dallas TX
I was working out with my partner and we were doing weighted pull ups. Needless to say upon his turn, he strapped his hands onto the handles, started to pull up and then - the weight dragged his pants down!
Now, this would rarely be any big deal if he wore just some briefs but he wore a jock strap!
So, there he is, hanging onto the handles, can't get the straps undone, and his pants are around his ankle and his butt is visible to EVERYONE in the gym! My buddy is 6'5, 250 lbs, ripped, and a muscle butt that stuck out big time!
I think only a few people actually saw but there were some who just fell over laughing!
Name: Karen Barker
From: West Valley City, Utah
We have a pretty nice workout room in the office where I work. It is a great perk. I don't use it nearly as much as I should. One reason that I don't is that there are some guys in the office, like Dan and Mike, who are real wild men when they get into the gym. I am a petite female (only five feet tall). I get a little embarrassed by some of the antics that occur in the gym among the tough guys, who like to lift weight, flex, strut around in front of the mirror, and show off, especially when one of the women is in the gym. They like to make fun of our 'silly little workouts,' aerobics, etc.
One day I decided to go to the gym, but was determined to leave if the 'roid boys' were there. To my relief, the gym was deserted. I went into the dressing room, and came back into the gym ready to use the treadmill.
As I walked through the apparently deserted gym, I heard a faint noise. It sounded like a little kid's voice, very far away. I listened very hard, and heard the squeaky little voice again. I stood very quiet to hear what the voice was saying and from where it was coming. Then I heard it again.
'Help!' the tiny little voice squeaked. 'Help me!' It seemed to be coming from inside the room. I walked around a pillar in the gym, and there was Dan, a former Marine and self-espoused tough guy. He was lying on the weight bench. And he couldn't get up because he had a barbell with huge weights on it, lying across his chest!
Apparently he had come into the gym alone, and had gotten himself into trouble. He was pinned flat, and his voice was high, tiny and squeaky because he couldn't get any air in his lungs to call for help. He could only squeak. I ran over to him but I couldn't begin to budge the heavy weights mashing Dan flat. So I ran to the office and elicited assistance from my office mates.
The word spread quickly and the entire office responded to help poor Dan. He was mortified as several of the ladies joined together to lift up one end of the barbell enough to let Dan slide out. He was mortified because he had been lying there for more than 30 minutes before being discovered.
But he was more mortified because he was saved by the very ladies he had laughed at for their 'silly workouts.' He left quickly without even a thank you, and didn't come back to the gym for a very long time. His voice has since come back.
Name: Dave Barker
From: West Valley City, Utah
I was working hard on a stationary bike, facing out into the gym. Near me was some sort of machine where you lie in it and squeeze your thighs together; quite popular with some of the older women. As I was cranking out hard, fast miles, and with nothing to look at, my eyes wandered around the gym, eventually over in the direction the thigh machine, where a very heavy, middle-aged woman, wearing lime green stretch pants, leg warmers and sweat bands was 'working out.'
As she saw my inadvertent glance in her direction, she abruptly stopped her workout, stood up, glared at me, let out a very audible angry-sounding sigh, and marched away. I was surprised and wondered why she had done this. A moment later I found out why.
She reappeared, flopped back into the thigh machine, and carefully arranged a towel covering her crotch. Then she looked me in the eye and mouthed the word, 'Pervert!', and continued her workout. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or throw up!
From then on I buried my face in a magazine during my workouts on the bike.
Name: Ken Kimball
One day I was working out in my attic gym with my friends. We were working out pretty hard doing squats. My friend Paul showed up and started teasing me and my friends saying we were not lifting much. I told him squats are dangerous when they're not done correctly. Paul said he could do all the weight we had, which was close to 350 pounds. Well, we put the weight on and he tried to lift it. Halfway through, he ripped this huge fart and dropped the weight. Paul said he had to leave and left in a hurry.
He came back in five minutes and yelled through the door for me to come over. He asked me if he could borrow some shorts. He had shit himself! We all died laughing - to this day he has never lived it down.
From: Mesa, AZ
This happened about 10 years ago when a bunch of us that used to hang out at a local bar decided to join a nearby gym in Mesa. We had one individual among our group who was quite the redneck sort named Randy. We were at Bally's one afternoon on the treadmills and Randy, imagine this... in a mesh ballcap, pulled up to the knee white socks, short shorts and a T-shirt with a breast pocket where he kept his pack of cigarettes.
While on the treadmill, some of his cigarettes began to work their way out of his shirt pocket... without thinking, he tried to grab them and went right off the back onto the floor with about 5 or 6 cigarettes laying about that he tried to but failed to rescue in front of quite a large crowd of exercise-conscious onlookers. It was hilarious!
Name: Nikkei R
Not so much a funny workout as a hilarious sight. I was a fitness instructor walking the floor, I noticed a very fit looking older gentleman preparing to do what turned out to be a set of deadlifts. The guy was 66 (when he swiped out as he left the gym, we checked his file on the automated system). As he leaned over to pick up his barbell (very bad from!) something black, lacy and sparkly caught my eye.
I'm ashamed to say, I stared open-mouthed as each time this guy bent over he gave everyone a great view of his black, lacey, diamond encrusted g-string!!
Name: Matt Beaty
This is a short and funny story and luckily no one got hurt. I was at the gym doing some barbell rows and across from me was this young kid bench pressing. He looked like high school age, pretty big and was having no problem with benching 225lbs. Soon, in walks this tall gangly kid who maybe weights in at 110lbs or so. He must be friends with the bigger kid as he goes right over to him and they start talking. After finishing another set I look up to see the skinny kid getting ready to bench. This is with no warm-up, 225lbs is still on the bar and at that point I notice the bigger kid failed to put collars on the bar.
I'm thinking this is a disaster waiting to happen. The big kid gives the skinny one a lift off and the 225lbs crashes down into his frail, bony chest.
Next, the weight shifts to the left and BAM! a 45lb plate slams into the floor. The weight shifts to the right and same thing, off comes another 45lbs. The big kid is in the spot position but does nothing. The bar shifts around again and off come the other plates, leaving the skinny kid with just the bar (probably what he should have started with in the first place.) He racks the weight and the two teenagers have a good laugh over the whole thing. The lack of common sense between these two kids was amazing to me.
Ok so I work at a gym, and there is this guy that comes to work out. One of those stereotypical muscle-bound guys who spends more time flexing in the mirror or flirting with anything remotely female than working out. He also feels the need to take his shirt off while he lifts weights even though he is wearing a muscle shirt, so really, it's not going to keep you that much cooler to be shirtless.
Anyway, the other day this guy decided he wanted to work his calves. Rather than using weights like a normal individual would, he actually convinces this girl he shamelessly flirts with to climb up and sit on his shoulders while he does 3 shirtless sets of calf raises. It was just a little too ridiculous.
From: Waterloo, Ontario Canada
One day after school, my buddy Ben came over to work out for a bit. He was doing a warm-up set of squats, but he couldn't go down low enough in his jeans. I lent him a pair of my pajama pants that were looser so he could go down lower and get a bigger range of motion. Turns out these pants still didn't have enough room in the back for him.
So just as he breaks 90, there is a massive ripping sound. I look over and he starts to lift the weight up, there is a huge rip in my pants.
Being involved in Muay Thai kickboxing, I know how to pack a pretty powerful kick, which went swiftly to his balls. It's a good thing he was in my power cage because he dropped like a rock, and so did the 225lbs on his back!
From: Victoria BC
To start with, I hadn't seen my buddy, Bill for about a week. When I did he had a limp in his walk so I asked what was up? Well, he and another friend were at the gym on base starting a workout. Bill was adding a 35 lb plate on the bar when this knockout lady walks in, looking just awesome. In Bill's words; he looked up, his eyes bugged out then he proceeded to drop this plate on his big toe, hence the limp. That's when I started to laugh after I found out he was ok.
Name: Ken Forman
From: Mesa, Arizona
I was training for a show in October 2000 when I realized that I needed to turn up the intensity in my training. As a result all I could think about was the next day's training session. I arrived at my gym at the customary 6:00 A M starting time and as I started my stretching routine for my leg workout I realized that I had forgotten to wear underwear under my sweats.
It became embarrassing when during a set of squats the lace that I used to tie my sweats became undone and the sweats dropped to my ankles. Because I had 495 pounds of weight on my shoulders I was unable to adjust my pants. Sadly, I became the talk of the gym due to the extra item hanging from below my beltline. When I finished my set I sheepishly pulled my pants up and attempted to retie the lace.
Unfortunately, the workout wore me out momentarily and I tied my thumbs to the tie. I became so angry and frustrated I ripped the lace thus rendering any thought of working out anymore that day futile. As I exited the gym I tripped over the bottom of my pants thus exposing other private areas. I should have had my Wheaties.
From: CFB Borden, Ontario
Well this is about me and what others were most likely laughing at that day in the gym. I decided to give my legs a really good workout and I decided to get on the indoor track of our field house here on the Military Base and do as many lunges as I could.
Well around and around I went and was so proud of myself when all of a sudden my calf cramped up and down I went just sitting in there in the middle of the outside lane trying not to show just how embarrassed I really was while I was rubbing my leg like crazy for the pain to go away, all the while keeping a sorta semi smile as the other people in the field house continued on with their workouts....no camera needed, I'll never forget this one!! By the way, I still hold the record for the most lunges on that track...LOL
From: New York City
I was on vacation in Fortaleza, Brazil and to stay in-shape located a small gym. I proceeded, after a stretching period, to the weight rack to do some bicep curls. I used a barbell with what I thought were 20lb plates each side.
The locals were watching me wide-eyed, as I prepared to start my set. I began to curl and felt a lot of resistance which I thought was weakness on my part. I got off a few reps as the locals were smiling in approval. I then realized I had been lifting plates in KILOGRAMS not pounds ! The 20lb plates were actually 20 X 2.2 or 44lbs..I did a personal best, and pleased the crowd at the same time!
Name: Sharlene Szostek
From: Lake Zurich, Il
I used to have an Airdyne stationary bike. I would workout everyday no matter what. My husband said one day you will take off and fly somewhere! Well I did! One day, the handle bars broke and I went flying forward. Luckily I was not hurt, but I did take off. I was laughing so hard I didn't even feel the pain of twisting my foot from being in the pedal.
Well I attend a private university, and at that gym, there's at least 1 hilarious incident each semester! One day, my best friend and I went to the work out room at the school's gym. There was this guy there who I always try to avoid, after a little while of crushing on him, and his trying to keep talking to me. Well, I could sorta keep an eye on him through the mirrored wall, and saw him standing there lifting some weights. He's definitely an avid workout-aholic; at first, he may have started out lifting around 20 lbs in each hand. Then he moved up to 30...I saw him glance at me through the mirror, and I suddenly felt stupid for getting caught. But I also knew that was it; his reason to show off had just begun...he started lifting an even higher number of lbs, and I saw that vein in his temple bulge out as if it were a beating heart.
Lo and behold, he farts! I quickly and slyly shift my eyes away and continue conversing with my friend. Luckily, our visit to the gym that night was very short, and we left soon after. As soon as we escaped that room, I burst into laughter and told my friend how he farted. It was hilarious. I thought for a pretty cocky guy with an even cockier self image, that incident suited him very well!
Name: Ken Petrocelly
This is less an actual analogy of a humorous workout, as it is an occurrence that I had in preparing for one...
(You may remember me from my last contest entry; ... I was the young Operating Engineer who spilled the salt out of my backpack.) When I submitted my entry, Nick shared with me that he uses a similar tactic, in the form of an 85lb body vest he works out in.
I gave some thought to what he shared with me and decided to try it myself. I searched the internet for prices and ran across an ad that stated my local Target store carried them. I immediately drove to the store and looked high and low for them, but to no avail. There was a 'customer Service' phone located in the sporting goods department -- so I called and asked for help.
Now don't get me wrong; ... I have nothing against foreigners (my people came through Ellis Island) but check this out...
The person that came to assist me didn't speak English very well and I had a hard time communicating what I was looking for. I told him I needed a 'weighted' vest --- he told me they were in the men's clothing section (NOT)!
When I tried to describe to him what it looked like (that it was laden with weights) and explained that it was a sporting goods item; he lit up and said ... 'I know EXACTLY what you want' and told me that they were in the next aisle -- IN THE SWIMMING SECTION. I thanked him for his time, and told him that he was once again mistaken (of course he was referring me to the life vests).
By now I just wanted to end the pain and get out of there, but he refused to give up on a sale! He just wouldn't let it drop, insisting that he knew what I wanted. I told him that, if he could find me an 85 lb life vest (that would float) AND WAS WILLING TO DEMONSTRATE IT, I would be more than happy to buy it --- then I left.
From: England - Lancashire
The funniest workout story I have was when a new group of lads came strutting into the gym. You know the sort, the ones that go for a week, try every supplement behind the counter, and walk around the gym like headless chickens with no training plan! Well after noticing them doing a few reps on all the machines they went to the dumbbell rack...this is where the fun began.
They were doing dumbbell flyes, but keep in mind they hadn't lifted a single free weight in the gym before. One lad picked up a beefy pair of dumbbells. By this I mean the sort advanced lifters use that know what they are doing. He sat himself on the bench and before he even got his arms up into the top starting position you heard a massive bang where the weights had pulled him off the bench and were lying on the floor next to him! After this he decided to pick up a pair of 11 lbs and see how he did with those whilst still tomato red. Quality entertainment.
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