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Tenderizing
Meat and Other Uses For Home Exercise Equipment
By Nick
Nilsson
Have a piece
of home exercise equipment that's collecting
dust? Give it new life with these handy tips!
Almost everyone has bought home exercise equipment at some point in their life,
be it a few rusty dumbells at a garage sale all the way to a complicated new
home gym. But how
many people continue to use it consistently? Here are some uses (that you should
never, ever actually take seriously, of course!) you may not have thought of
for your forgotten purchases.
1. Dumbells - The original dark basement booby trap.
Dumbells make great children's
toys. They are, of course, heavier and more dangerous than a barbie doll or
Play-Doh (tm) and are not really as exciting as a video game but they certainly
are cheap and hard to break.
Tenderizing meat - bash
the meat with the dumbell repeatedly. Great shoulder and arm exercise too!
May increase the iron content of your food significantly.
Bowling - set them on
end and use them as pins. You will need a really heavy ball for this.
2. Ab Rollers - These are the abdominal training devices that feature
a head rest attached to a frame that you set your arms on so you can rock, rock,
rock your way to six-pack abs.
Roll cage for a toboggan
- for the safety-minded parent. Protect your child from the heartbreak of
a rollover accident on the sled hill by having him or her carry this while
going down. Nevermind that they won't be able steer because they're holding
onto the thing...
Tenderizing meat - lay
the meat down below the head rest and rock violently back and forth on top
of it.
Baby toy hanger - nothing
good on tv? Hook some old christmas tree ornaments from the top crossbar and
set your baby underneath. You'll both be amused for hours!
3. Thighmaster (tm) - popularized by Suzanne Somers, no closet is complete
without this device. You simply set it between your legs and squeeze!
Keeps doors closed -
jam it in the corner behind a door. When you open the door, it squeezes the
spring. When you release the door, the stored tension closes the door automatically
behind you! At 40 miles per hour!!!
Tenderizing meat - set
the meat on the counter, squeeze the Thighmaster shut with your hands then
release the spring on top of the meat like a bear trap.
4. The Ab-Doer (tm) - This is the chair-like ab training device that
resembles a chair with no back.
Tenderizing meat - of
course, to accomplish this you'll have to throw the meat at it really hard.
Playing practical jokes
on drunk friends - sit them in the machine then tell them to watch you as
you run around it a few times and you'll see what I mean.
Pretending you're Captain
Kirk of the Starship Enterprise - set phasers on "useless."
5. The Bowflex (tm) - This is a popular home exercise machine that utilizes
the incredible power of bending things to sculpt your body.
Conversation piece -
the classic display of this machine in the corner of your living room is sure
to spur discussion. "You have how many payments left on this thing?"
Tenderizing meat - remove
one of the bows and slap the meat silly with it.
Burglar deterrant - set
the machine in front of a ground floor window with all of the bows rigged
up to the latch. Be sure the thief signs a waiver before attempting to open
the window, however, as he's going to get up to 410 pounds of resistance right
where it counts.
6. Electric Ab Training Belts - Electrocute your way to a flatter stomach!
Unfortunately, they aren't
very good for keeping your pants up, so that's out of the question.
Place mat/food warmer
- somebody running late for dinner? Set their plate on it and turn up the
juice!
Memorabilia - write
the words "Golden Gloves" on it and set it on the mantle right next
to your "Big Mouth Billy Bass (tm)" singing plastic fish!
Tenderizing meat - set
the meat on the counter, place the belt on top of it, turn it to the highest
level, then lean down on it with all your weight as it tenderizes and sears
at the same time!
Driving safety gear -
does your spouse have a tendency to get sleepy at the wheel? That's a thing
of the past when they've got the belt on and you've got the controls in your
hand...
7. And last but not least, every piece of equipment that has handles, bars,
hooks, stacks, pins, corners, rails, seats, clips, stands or attachments and
does or does not come in a box...
CLOTHES HANGER!
------------------
Nick Nilsson is Vice-President
of the online personal training company BetterU, Inc. He has a degree in Physical
Education and Psychology and has been inventing new training techniques for
more than 16 years. Nick is the author of a number of bodybuilding eBooks including
"Metabolic Surge - Rapid Fat Loss," "The Best Exercises You've
Never Heard Of," "Gluteus to the Maximus - Build a Bigger Butt NOW!"
and "The Best Abdominal Exercises You've Never Heard Of" all available
at (http://hop.clickbank.net/?xxxxx/betteru).
He can be contacted at betteru@fitstep.com.
